Reality check: (*Sigh*)I am just not consistent in blog land.
Honestly, I lack follow through with 75% of my personal life (ie: scrap booking, journal writing, painting, organizing ...), so it did not suprise me that I would have the same philosophy with blogging. I am like a borderline (BPD) patient with my all- or- nothing approach to writing on the WWW. My email activity and constant Internet "research" leaves me booked up for weeks at a time.
When I frequent the blog rooms, I notice my character defect: Principle of Balance challenged with a jabber jaw. I don't stop chatting even in BLOGLAND. I admire the bloggers with the two sentence blurbs. I want to be just like them. But with this blog going over the 4 sentence marker, I can only fantasize of how my life would be like if I JUST STOPPED THINKING AND TALKING (looking up in fantasy mode). I COULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER OR on my way to becoming a Buddha teacher. Whatever! This is me: the good, the bad and the chatty patty ME.
I want to have a point, I want to teach a lesson.... these are my mission statements and when I have no life lesson to poke fun at, I fall back into my usual writer's slump. Or I get the "ah ha" writing moments while I am stuck on the Grand Central going to meet my ex (blending my life for the child custody schedule). Time can be very inappropriate. My genius comes out when I am in the shower or running into the car while balancing my life in one hand and directing a five year old with typical listening issues to follow my pointer finger and voice to the car and not the road.. not the grass.. noo noooooooo not the patch of dirt with the bed of dead flowers. I can never just "get it" while I am sitting dormant with a pen/paper or laptop available, and by the time I can sit and reflect I lost the punch line.
My goal today: To realize that I am not in a teacher's position. Hell, I can't even manage to teach myself how to parallel park (work through the fear Jeannine work through the fear). I am not Buddhist nun and have no Wayne Dyer spirit moving through my system giving me the right to blog with a "purpose". I am little 'ol me living the usual blended lesbian step family life. I am focusing on spiritual and emotional growth- cleaning up "my side of the street" today.
I am scratching my skin wanting so desperately to have a point to this story, but I won't make one! No, I will keep this in fragmented Pollack form.
I can do it!
One .. two ... buckle .. my shoe .. three .. four .. shut the door(as I make silly noises with finger and bottom lip).
How you like me now?
to the peeps that know me and still hang out with me anyway:
much self love, inner peace and authentic happiness
see pic below- my hero
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