Everything is Magic!

As I traveled to pick up my son from our agreed upon location (1/2 mid point) on Sunday thoughts jumped around in my head. At first, I was disgruntled. I like listening to Oprah when Oprah is alive with positive self help gurus like Dr. Robin, Marianne Williamson and Eckhart Tolle. At this particular moment, it was centered around clutter/cleaning. Now I KNOW I can definitely benefit from listening to the helpful hints but I longed for the inspiration, the show that would call to my life. I guess it wasn't the right moment. The universe/God was calling me to reflect/meditate without steering off the road!

I remember starting this blog. It began as a healthy outlet to vent my frustrations with everyday family life. AT points, even in the midst of the quarrel/strife I wrote with humor. Thankfully, that type of creative "therapy" helped me hurdle over the difficult times. Soon my friends and family were reading it often times "hounding" me for more. I told them, "I'm not a machine. Words come when they are ready!"

Last May, I fell into what seemed like an abyss. I was slapped with court paperwork, right at my doorstep, and I lost my breath for a brief moment. I had to do much growing in spirit and mind. Amazingly, (it's a God thing I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND) a woman from my old neck of the woods responded to one of my blogs. It was a period in my life where I felt the pity party should be centered on my sorrow; I had the wrong judge, lawyer... well life! I wrote about my misfortune, my son's misfortune-
Oh- WO is me! She wrote me a quick comment to email her. And so my life was re directed. This woman, although we don't exchange emails or correspondence anymore, was my "REASON". She gave me guidance since her life path mirrored mine. She went through the same court situation back in the 90's which was a tougher crowd for gay relationships/child custody/father's rights/dissolution of the hetero marriage....
She had my judge, she knew his work. She passed on a number. Magic happened!

The process took close to a year, I had to dig deep to find my strength many times. If it wasn't for my friends, family and MOST OF ALL my faith in GOD I would have hit bottom without getting up. Today I am blessed! The order has been signed. We are moving on. My life, although bumpy at times, is where God intended for me to be.

Sometimes I revert back to the "why me's?" pity party mind set. It is easy to find drama.
Most people want to just talk about their problems. They think their life is filled with more messes than yours. If you listen... really listen like Elmer Fudd hunting rabbits you will hear the familiar theme underneath the thick surface. IF you pull back the layers of the human condition there is a longing/needing just to be HEARD. People don't care if anyone is listening. They just want to use their voice. Maybe most people have been silent to long and now feel compelled to talk, be right, argue bullshit, shoot the breeze, control with vocal chords, speak their "rightness", cry their pity party... and the world moves with egos leading the way.

Yesterday, I went to a wake. He was ONLY 26 years old. I didn't know him well. I met him on a several occasions while he was dying. The doctors gave him "deadlines" for death. He reminded me of a gentle giant. I have been through tough times in my life. And I always managed to see people's true colors in the face of it. They look drawn, speak negative thoughts, cry of the injustices of their situation EXCEPT with him. What I can remember about our brief moments together at random events/parties he was selfless, thoughtful, empathetic, easy going, happy and "inspirational". Inspirational because even in my healthiest of moments the ugly ego of me can rear it's ugly head. I want to be right, I crave to be understood, I desire to be loved but most of all I want to control life. This is something I am learning to master, getting my ego out of the way so I can find the awakening! Once you are in the present there is a calm/peace, you are aware of others egos and it doesn't bother you. This is yet another situation that God intended for me. He was my "Reason".

My partner's youngest child can irritate me easily due to her ungrateful attitude and her constant negativity; usually I listen to her whine and throw countless pity parties throughout the day. Sometimes I argue with her because I want to inspire her/switch her method of thinking but her ‘ah-ha’ moment does not come. Usually she melts down from her own selfishness until you just can’t take the toxic vibes or she deflects and argues about all my faults. It is a match where there are only losers.
Today, I need to let go and just remember what he taught me. He taught me life is too short to worry about the petty bulls**t. I can’t change her. I can’t control her to laugh and just BE, be happy, be grateful, be positive, be alive, be selfless, be responsible, be love to all, be the change you wish to see in this world. All I can do is BE.

This morning I woke up to Tim McGraw's song in my head. NOW I am not a country bumpkin nor do I like the redneck way of life, but I heard the song a few days ago and it is fitting to the situation. "LIVE like YOU WERE DYING!" Shouldn't we all wake up with a grateful heart, positive steps and a song in our heart? Wouldn't it be grand if we could all just live like we were dying, think about turning the other cheek when someone wrongs us because we just don’t' have time to worry about being right?

To live with an ego mindset is a form of suffering. I don't want to suffer. I want to live like "E" did. He lived like he WAS dying feeling the MAGIC of every moment! So when you are complaining.. Complaining... can't stand you’re cramped up shoes or you just have the blues think about being grateful for your breath! It is a gift! So simple but yet we forget about that miracle everyday!
To me, in this moment, everything is magic!

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or
a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is
usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you
with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason
you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an
inconvenient time, this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our
desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you
sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the
person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said
that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author Unknown


Every single creature is full of God and is a book about God.
Meister Eckhart