Running with Thoughts

I don't just "run with scissors".
I run with thoughts while running with scissors and multi tasking my world.

When I am open to suggestions I see how easily and effortlessly I can self destruct. IF all the inspirational elites have sent their email newsletters to my mailboxes AND I ACTUALLY open/read them I am crawling toward the Surrender start line. IF I end my day with minimal OLD way thinking I am proud to say I have reached the Freedom finish line.
Unfortunately, MOST DAYS I am stuck half stalled AT MY start line CALLED"Sanity challenged with a stubborn streak".

My partner and I are NOW proud new members of Long Island Community Fellowship (www.LICF.net). For a few years, Robin and I searched through various spiritual movements JUST to find our NOW spiritual HOME. Robin likes to say, "I found a place to hang my spiritual hat". The first time we ventured to LICF in Bayshore we did a "drive by", we drove by, parked for a second, scoped out the place and then drove by again to the highway. The second time was Christmas morning. There were only two families since everyone came the night before, but we loved the message from the sermon. It felt like I needed that spiritual jump start. They didn't think we were going to be back. PRESENTLY, Robin and I attend faithfully every Sunday. WE ATTEND SOCIAL EVENTS,MEETINGS, VOLUNTEER AND Robin is also on the "Angels" Softball team. If I don't go (we had a MS Walk at Jones Beach one Sunday) I feel a part of me is missing. It is like family dinner on Sundays (not that I want to COMPARE OR relate my BLOOD family who has left me in the dust since I made a lifestyle change with my VERY accepting AND LOVING LICF family but you get it).

Yesterday Pastor Shane's sermon was "The Last Word". He talked about people desiring to have the last word in arguments.
I can relate, I am the last word girl in my relationship even if I have to leave the room and still talk about it OUT LOUD for my dogs, myself or the UNIVERSE. This is one of my dirty habits. It is my Ego's gifts and my PRESENT poison. IF I want to stay in this moment and lead a full filling life I have to get rid of my habits. Whoa! Tough work ahead of me.
Controlling, Obsessive thinking, negative nelly ranting and criticising are some of shameful character defects. The last word is my control tactic.

When I am ON, I see rainbows and everyone holding hands while skipping through the park.
When I am OFF, I see people pushing little old ladies into mud puddles.

Listening to Oprah on XM one fine bumper to bumper traffic day on the Island, Rabbi Shmulley's topic gave me the "ah ha" CLARITY moment. We are a nation of second to second fill me up with shopping splurges and thrill seeking affairs. WE max out credit cards and ruin relationships to seek fulfillment with our inner emptiness. What we forget is that the shopping spree ends with a bang after you get the bill and the fun filled tryst in the back seat of your lovers car fills you with more disgust and emptiness than when you started the addictions.
We lack "purpose" We are a nation of bored/empty lost souls with the only agenda being, THE QUICK FIX!

Pastor Shane at LICF talked about "The Last Word" not just being who can argue the longest, BUT if we KNEW our life would end tomorrow what would be our last words, our last thoughts, our last actions. Would we care about the worries, the complaints, the resentments, the control???? HELL no! WE would live, love and laugh till it was over.

Today, I KNOW that I USED TO live in my head because it handicaped me from finding purpose. I loveD the last word, because it kept me in a trick state of "well I am to busy to find purpose and live with passion, don't you see I am living everyone else's life, WHATEVER!" If I was to know my day would be coming I don't think the people that bother me would even be in my thought process anymore.

I GET IT! Maybe I "got it" before but in this moment I GET IT NOW, AGAIN! How grateful am I to be able to do it all over again with a blank slate? VERY!


My goal today: TO FIND MY purpose (first research what true purpose means)
To live in the NOW and stay out of my F^&*ing HEAD! 'nuff said!


If you need to CHAT I will be sitting in one of the rainbow chairs getting ready for the race of my life!
PEACE